{"id":5386,"date":"2013-03-08T08:31:53","date_gmt":"2013-03-08T08:31:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.dumitra.net\/blog\/?p=5386"},"modified":"2013-03-15T11:35:40","modified_gmt":"2013-03-15T11:35:40","slug":"divortul-de-soacra-mea","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.dumitra.net\/blog\/?p=5386","title":{"rendered":"Cu soacra la sl\u0103bit sau la tribunal?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Soacr\u0103-mea s-a \u00eengr\u0103\u0219at! S\u0103-i fie de bine, ar zice unii mai r\u0103i de gur\u0103. Stai s\u0103 vezi c\u0103 nu-i chiar a\u0219a….<\/p>\n

\"Bunica<\/a>Cu vreo dou\u0103 s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2ni \u00een urm\u0103, m\u0103 \u00eent\u00e2lnesc cu soacr\u0103-mea pe strad\u0103. Nu-mi r\u0103spunde bine la salut, c\u0103-mi sloboze\u0219te dintr-o suflare:<\/p>\n

– \u201dAm sl\u0103bit 3 kile \u00eentr-o s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103.\u201d<\/strong> C<\/em>\u00e2nd aud de sl\u0103bit dintr-asta supersonic, \u00eemi tremur\u0103 chilo\u021bii pe mine.
\n– \u201dDa, zic, ce-a\u021bi f\u0103cut?\u201d<\/em><\/strong>
\n– \u201dAm v\u0103zut o emisiune pe postul X \u0219i zicea a\u0219a: s\u0103 nu amestec\u0103m paste cu p\u00e2ine..<\/strong><\/em>\u201d
\n– \u201dP\u0103i, \u0219i io v-am zis…<\/strong><\/em>\u201d
\n– \u201dS\u0103 renun\u021b\u0103m la dulciuri…<\/em><\/strong>\u201d
\n– \u201d\u0218i io v-am zis s\u0103 le reduce\u021bi…<\/em><\/strong>\u201d
\n– \u201dS\u0103 reducem p\u00e2inea…<\/em><\/strong>\u201d
\n-\u201d\u0218i io v-am zis…<\/strong><\/em>\u201d
\n– \u201dS\u0103 m\u00e2nc\u0103m acela\u0219i fel de m\u00e2ncare o s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103……\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Aici m-am blocat, nu \u0219tiu ce s-a spus la televizor \u0219i ce-a \u00eente\u021beles soacr\u0103-mea….
\n– \u201dP\u0103i, aici nu e bine c\u0103 v\u0103 devitaminiza\u021bi; nu, nu e deloc s\u0103n\u0103tos, o s\u0103 v-apuce tremuriciul \u00een cur\u00e2nd\u201d.<\/strong> <\/em>
\nParc\u0103 neauzind ce-i spun, adaug\u0103:
\n– ……\u201d\u0219i de-o s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nc doar carne fiart\u0103 cu salat\u0103……\u201d<\/strong><\/em>
\nAici cred c\u0103 mi-au ie\u0219it definitiv ochii din orbite \u0219i-am t\u0103cut ca un boxeur f\u0103cut KO dintr-un cro\u0219eu de dreapta.
\n– \u201d…..m\u0103 duc acum s\u0103 cump\u0103r ni\u0219te pe\u0219te c\u0103 mi s-a luat r\u0103u de carne. Vomit numai c\u00e2nd m\u0103 g\u00e2ndesc. Da, s\u0103 \u0219tii c-am f\u0103cut \u0219i biciclet\u0103 de 2 ori pe zi, cum mi-ai zis tu: 10 kilometri diminea\u021ba, 10 dup\u0103 amiaza.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Cel pu\u021bin, din tot ce i-am predicat, ceva tot s-a lipit….<\/p>\n

La dou\u0103 zile dup\u0103 acest dialog, adaptat parc\u0103 dup\u0103 \u201dCum s\u0103 \u00een\u021beleg \u021b\u0103ranii\u201d a lui Caragiale<\/strong>, o vizitez. Intru pe u\u0219\u0103, abia apuc s\u0103-mi scot \u0219o\u0219onii \u0219i-mi zice:<\/p>\n

– \u201dNu mai pot, a\u0219 m\u00e2nca ceva dulce de-mi vine s\u0103-mi rup carnea de pe mine.\u201d <\/strong><\/em>\u0218i, demostrativ, \u00ee\u0219i duce m\u00e2na ca o ghear\u0103 la g\u00e2t.<\/p>\n

– \u201dM\u0103 ia cu ame\u021beli, tremur toat\u0103, nu mai pot, am o stare de f….m\u0103-sa; ce s\u0103 fac?\u201d <\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/em>N-am vrut s\u0103-i spun s\u0103 deschid\u0103 televizorul poate se d\u0103 \u00een reluare emisiunea cu pricina….\u0219i nici c\u0103 divortez de ea….m\u0103 are la doi pa\u0219i \u0219i totusi se uit\u0103 \u00een gura televizorului….<\/p>\n

Nu la\u0219i un om la ananghie. Am pus-o s\u0103 ia o table\u021bic\u0103 de ciocolat\u0103 amar\u0103 \u0219i s-o plimbe prin gur\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 se tope\u0219te. A \u00eenceput s\u0103 se lumineze la fa\u021ba \u0219i s\u0103-i revin\u0103 culoarea. I-am \u021binut discursul pe care-l \u0219ti\u021bi \u0219i voi, pentru c\u0103 nu i-am spus altceva dec\u00e2t g\u0103si\u021bi pe blog.<\/a> Acum \u0219i-a diversificat mesele, m\u0103 sun\u0103 \u0219i de dou\u0103 ori pe zi s\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eentrebe dac\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nce a\u0219a sau a\u0219a. Ba, \u00eei mai dau c\u00e2te ceva din ce g\u0103tesc eu.<\/p>\n

Ieri, cum \u0219edea ea pe fotoliul meu din buc\u0103t\u0103rie \u0219i m\u0103 privea cum tai tufa de broccoli, m\u0103 \u00eentreab\u0103 deodat\u0103:<\/p>\n

– \u201dAuzi, da niste ca\u0219caval, vreo 3-4 felii, pot sa m\u0103n\u00e2nc?\u201d<\/strong> M-am \u00eentors spre ea ca un dragon scuip\u00e2nd fl\u0103c\u0103ri pe nas \u0219i pe gur\u0103. N-am apucat s\u0103 termin \u201ec\u0103 e plin de gr\u0103sime \u0219i c\u0103 e cel mai neportivit<\/em> dintre br\u00e2nzeturi\u201e, c\u0103-mi r\u0103spunde:
\n– \u201dHahahahahaha! \u0218tiam, da am vrut s\u0103 v\u0103d cum faci c\u00e2nd te enervezi….!<\/strong><\/em>
\n\u0218i, ca s\u0103-i \u00eentrorc dr\u0103g\u0103l\u0103\u0219enia, o-ntreb \u0219i eu:
\n– \u201dDa ce s-a \u00eent\u00e2mplat de v-a\u021bi \u00eengr\u0103\u0219at a\u0219a mult?\u201d<\/strong><\/em> Dup\u0103 o pauz\u0103 ezitant\u0103, veni \u0219i r\u0103spunsul:
\n– \u201dEi, mam\u0103, gustai \u0219i eu din toate…….\u201d\u00a0 <\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Morala? Divor\u021bezi de soacr\u0103 sau o \u00eenve\u021bi cum s\u0103 \u201dguste\u201d f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 se \u00eengra\u0219e 7 kilograme?<\/strong><\/p>\n

P.S. Cine nu are o nor\u0103 ca mine….., s\u0103 nu fac\u0103 precum soacr\u0103-mea!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Soacr\u0103-mea s-a \u00eengr\u0103\u0219at! S\u0103-i fie de bine, ar zice unii mai r\u0103i de gur\u0103. Stai s\u0103 vezi c\u0103 nu-i chiar a\u0219a…. Cu vreo dou\u0103 s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2ni \u00een urm\u0103, m\u0103 \u00eent\u00e2lnesc cu soacr\u0103-mea pe strad\u0103. Nu-mi...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[343],"class_list":["post-5386","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal","tag-cum-a-slabit-soacra-mea"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dumitra.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5386","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dumitra.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dumitra.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dumitra.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dumitra.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5386"}],"version-history":[{"count":30,"href":"https:\/\/www.dumitra.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5386\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5408,"href":"https:\/\/www.dumitra.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5386\/revisions\/5408"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dumitra.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5386"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dumitra.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5386"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dumitra.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5386"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}